How To Decide Which Relationship You Want

 

Most people who are in two or more intimate relationships suffer huge psychological stress and oscillate violently between partners. If you are one of these people your life will be like a roller coaster ride which becomes increasingly difficult to get off. Having taught Motivational Psychotherapy for over 20 years as well as carrying a busy private practice I have seen people make the most amazing changes. Here are some ideas from Motivational Psychotherapy that will help you choose between partners.

Motivational Psychotherapy aims to "kick start intrinsic motivation". In a nutshell this means that instead of me telling you that you need to do something, (for example stop smoking, get more exercise or choose between partners), I get you to tell you that you should do something. marriage counseling near me This is usually completely different from what happens in "real life" where we are bombarded with advice and opinions from others. The theory goes that unless we really want to change we usually don't. So, how can you decide which relationship to end?

Well, for starters let's agree that I actually don't know, and there's a high chance that nobody else does either. In fact other people usually make things worse by telling you what they would do. The best person to work out what to do is you, but of course that is not easy. Motivational Psychotherapy aims to free up your thinking so that you can concentrate more freely and give yourself some much needed advice and make the right changes. So here goes. Be prepared for your thinking to be freed up.

Here are a couple of exercises that will help:

A Letter From You From The Future

A version of this has become popular through brief therapy approaches. This is the original and works much better. Imagine, if you will, 2 years from today and your life is great. You have resolved all your problems, made good decisions regarding your relationships and for the first time in ages feel happy and contented. Write yourself a letter, as you might to a close best friend, outlining what helped you get through this difficult time, how you made the right decisions and how you coped with the increased responsibility and stress that it takes to end a relationship. Be open and honest with yourself.

If you find yourself writing that you need a good metaphorical kick up the back side, you probably do, if you are writing that you think you are going crazy and need to see a doctor, don't waste any time. Give yourself at least an hour where you will not be disturbed and start writing to yourself. If you do it properly you will be amazed at what you find tumbling out.

Scrutinize Your Goals and Values

Here's another exercise that lots of people find useful. For a moment put your immediate concerns on one side and just write out a list of what is important to you, both in terms of life long goals and your own personal values. marriage counselling Be as honest and open as you like as nobody is ever going to see this list. If it's important to you to make a million dollars, write it down, if it's important to have a family of your own, write it down. Whatever your goals are and whatever you value in life be honest and write out your own list.

Once you have done that, go back to your immediate dilemma. Whether it's about lifestyle changes or in this case, choosing the right partner and ending a relationship, your list of personal goals and values should positively influence your decision making process.

I hope these ideas help. If you are still struggling with difficult decisions and making the right changes in your life, talking to a good, qualified and experienced motivational psychotherapist will almost certainly help. There are many exercises like this, it's just a matter of finding which ones work for you.